Change is not easy. If you're stuck in old patterns, fuddy-duddy thinking, if you start each sentence with "I should", you aren't alone. You might be experiencing a stagnant time in your life.
How do you have courage to change? Just decide to do so. Be self-aware and build your confidence.
Stop making excuses.
Most people live their lives trying to please a person in their head. Maybe it's a judging parent, ex-partner, or spouse. Maybe it's a teacher who crushed your creativity.
But it's your life. Take it back. Leap and the net will appear.